E25: Amy Spalding (I Kissed A Girl)
Amy Spalding, beloved for her humour and iconic boots, brought some much-needed femme-for-femme representation to BBC’s hit reality show, I Kissed A Girl. Often referred to as the “people's lesbian princess”, it’s fair to say she was a fan-favourite.
In this episode, Ben explores why Amy was often told she was “too much.” Amy discusses her ADHD diagnosis, struggles with time-blindness, and journey to embracing her queer identity. She also shares her experiences in the Masseria and running her successful new jewellery brand through an ADHD lens.
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:20:15
Amy Spalding
I was flown out to Italy by the BBC to take part in the UK's first female queer relationship dating show. I kissed a girl. People would be like, oh you, you're being really ADHD. Too much energy, too much in your face, too much everything. I wouldn't be me without my ADHD. It is a superpower, but it's also my biggest downfall.
00:00:20:18 - 00:00:33:06
Amy Spalding
The intersectionality of my queerness and my ADHD is the best thing about me. I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm neurodivergent.
00:00:33:08 - 00:01:03:23
Ben Branson
We've had such a great response to the podcast, and so many of you have been in touch asking what you can do to help. It's really simple. Just follow. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. That way we can reach more people, and that way we can celebrate these great minds that think differently. This summer, Amy Spalding stole the nation's heart as a femme for femme icon on BBC's reality show I Kissed the Girl.
00:01:04:00 - 00:01:26:15
Ben Branson
We dive deep into how her ADHD diagnosis shaped her experience in the area and beyond. You're going to see a really different side to Amy in this episode, and I'm excited to share it with you. Let's get into it. Let's see how great minds think differently.
00:01:26:17 - 00:01:37:04
Ben Branson
So I want to start with tell me about life before coming out. It okay for your ADHD diagnosis?
00:01:37:06 - 00:02:02:09
Amy Spalding
Yeah. Well life before coming out and my ADHD diagnosis was probably equally as but not I mean, I'm very like I'm very privileged. I had an amazing childhood, which is more like my mental battles with. I had two real big mental battles. One, I can't sit down and do anything normally and two, why do I feel like a freak in school where I don't feel like I like the boys?
00:02:02:09 - 00:02:22:17
Amy Spalding
Like I should don't feel like a fit? and from like, multiple reasons really. But I came out when I kind of knew from like age 13 that I was gay. Okay. But to then kind of explore that or really kind of admit to myself until like 19, okay. And then came out fully to like my family and.
00:02:22:19 - 00:02:23:19
Ben Branson
Everyone really at.
00:02:23:19 - 00:02:24:09
Amy Spalding
21.
00:02:24:09 - 00:02:26:01
Ben Branson
And how was that process for you?
00:02:26:07 - 00:02:46:07
Amy Spalding
It went well in terms of like my family, my sisters were always so supportive and like, well, we didn't know both. Basically, both my sisters are also gay as well. And so like growing up, we were very much like involved in the same like lesbian canon, same lesbian law. We were watching the same YouTubers. We would fuss and like hyper fixate on the same shows and be like, oh my God, they're my favorite characters.
00:02:46:07 - 00:02:48:13
Amy Spalding
And we just had no idea because it was like the norm for us.
00:02:48:17 - 00:02:50:15
Ben Branson
And you said, yeah, I see your sister.
00:02:50:15 - 00:03:07:20
Amy Spalding
Yeah. So we let you all be talking about the same things. And then like I remember vividly, like one time at school in like high school, my sister like, sprinted across the the green over to me and was like, Shannon and Kyle. We broke up and we were like, no, like broke down over these two like lesbian YouTubers breaking up at uni.
00:03:07:20 - 00:03:25:22
Amy Spalding
I remember being like very depressed at uni and yeah, and like couldn't be myself. I like was sharing a bed with this boy but like it didn't feel right and I kind of just kept him around because it was like intimacy vibes and like felt kind of like what I was supposed to do. And also just like he was a good friend.
00:03:25:22 - 00:03:33:20
Amy Spalding
And then I realized I was really depressed. And this was partly to do with like my uni work as well. I wasn't going to uni, I was missing all my lectures.
00:03:33:21 - 00:03:35:19
Ben Branson
You were studying medical medical science?
00:03:35:19 - 00:03:51:10
Amy Spalding
Yeah, at the University of Leeds. And like, I would find out I'd be sleeping until like 4 p.m. not going to my lectures, just being like, oh, I'll catch up on them because they were recorded. Obviously never caught up on them like. But when I did go to lectures, I found out I was literally falling asleep, like physically falling asleep in the lecture halls.
00:03:51:10 - 00:04:14:16
Amy Spalding
I was kind of like, it would be like 4 a.m. and I'd be like sneaking into the kitchen and like, eating out of the jar of Nutella and like, just like was had no healthy habits, was not comfortable in my body, was not comfortable with myself. And then it completely flipped around in second year when I kind of met these girls, I met a girl and realized this about myself and my like tribe, and then completely changed the game.
00:04:14:22 - 00:04:16:09
Ben Branson
What did that change in you?
00:04:16:11 - 00:04:32:21
Amy Spalding
So I think when you surround yourself with like like minded people, you feel like completely yourself and you don't have to hide any parts and you can just like click giggle. Honestly, like just felt so much lighter, like genuinely felt so much lighter around them and like, still do. They're still like my closest friends.
00:04:32:24 - 00:04:36:03
Ben Branson
And then where does ADHD fit in this mix?
00:04:36:03 - 00:04:54:09
Amy Spalding
So ADHD, I think for me, I've obviously had it my whole life. Didn't realize until third year, final year of university. I had people telling me though, so like my girlfriend, my first, my first and only girlfriend who I met at university and she was the reason I kind of came out. She was like, you have ADHD, like you do have ADHD because I have two best friends.
00:04:54:09 - 00:05:11:15
Amy Spalding
I've just been diagnosed and so she was like, you need to get diagnosed. And then I kind of was like, like we would do library sessions and nothing would get done because I would just be distracting her and like myself and everyone around me, like no one would want to work for me and like, it kind of like was reflected in time at school as well.
00:05:11:15 - 00:05:30:11
Amy Spalding
In terms of my report, cards were always good, very like I was an intelligent child, but it wasn't really reflected in my grade. It was reflected in my GCSE and my A-levels, despite my teachers always being like, she's very bright, but you know, she's often distracting others, or she asks too many questions because I just had a curious mind.
00:05:30:11 - 00:05:34:21
Amy Spalding
But then felt like I had to interrupt every second because I needed to know the answer that second.
00:05:34:24 - 00:05:37:12
Ben Branson
So being curious was a problem?
00:05:37:12 - 00:05:46:23
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it was a blessing and a curse. To be honest, I felt like it definitely helped me understand things further, but it would interrupt the lesson flow naturally.
00:05:46:24 - 00:05:53:12
Ben Branson
Yeah, but I'm kind of like, God, the the world needs curious people, right?
00:05:53:14 - 00:05:59:20
Amy Spalding
Definitely. And it's it's a great strength. But, you know, there's only so many questions about photosynthesis. You can ask.
00:05:59:22 - 00:06:04:02
Ben Branson
We masking at school. We do fail to reflect back and sing.
00:06:04:06 - 00:06:28:03
Amy Spalding
About my queerness. So I didn't know about ADHD. Yeah I think well, so I was diagnosed with dyslexia and I think that that's where because basically what would happen is I would go into exams and this is from like as early as like key stage three, I would go into exams and then just would never finish them. Like no matter what I did, I could never finish an exam.
00:06:28:05 - 00:06:41:16
Amy Spalding
And people thought it was because I was dyslexic. I was struggling with sort of the, the, the reading of the question, but what really it was, it was I would sit there and then hyper fixate on drawing my table, right, for like 25 minutes in the beginning of the exam, and then I just wouldn't have any time to finish it.
00:06:41:18 - 00:07:00:06
Amy Spalding
And it's like, or I get distracted. I'd be looking at the clock, I'd be looking at the people around me. It was all of that. And so I got, you know, I got my extra time for my dyslexia, really. Like, I'm for my my study is fine. I don't have dyslexia, I've got ADHD and didn't really kind of figure that out to the uni as I said.
00:07:00:06 - 00:07:02:00
Ben Branson
So you thought you were dyslexic?
00:07:02:00 - 00:07:02:18
Amy Spalding
Yeah.
00:07:02:20 - 00:07:04:21
Ben Branson
And then it turns out that you're not dyslexic.
00:07:04:21 - 00:07:25:20
Amy Spalding
Yeah. And I mean, I'd get the extra time and then it's just like extra time to wow. Like I needed like different kind of support. And you can see that reflected in. So basically and like as soon as I got diagnosed and got put on medication, the way that I switched it up and like the way that medication and an ADHD diagnosis changed my life.
00:07:26:00 - 00:07:35:20
Amy Spalding
Like just as the way comment came coming out changed my life. Like those two things are most pivotal. And the show of the two three most pivotal things to kind of ever happen to me.
00:07:35:22 - 00:07:47:14
Ben Branson
Do you therefore like fast forward to right now with those three. Yeah. Beside the trifecta. How do you feel now?
00:07:47:16 - 00:08:01:04
Amy Spalding
Honestly, I have to be careful because like, I feel like I'm on top of the world right now, obviously, and that I feel like that kind of happen with ADHD, where you have those moments of like super high and then you got to be careful about the lows. So I'm very conscious of like just taking everything for granted right now.
00:08:01:04 - 00:08:19:02
Amy Spalding
I'm doing everything that I've ever wanted to do, and it's that's what I find with ADHD as well as like I will get the work done if it's something that I enjoy doing because I'm getting the dopamine from the work, and that don't mean is and replacing what I'm missing from my ADHD, where it's like, put me in a 9 to 5 I at an agency for.
00:08:19:02 - 00:08:26:17
Amy Spalding
Yeah, like I really struggled unless the work that I was doing at that agency was like really stimulating. Like I school.
00:08:26:19 - 00:08:35:23
Ben Branson
Uni for a combination of reasons. Yeah. Those institutions and by the way, I was exactly the same of and I am exactly the same in terms of if I'm into it.
00:08:35:24 - 00:09:00:12
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it's exactly that I love it. Yeah. Like my parents never pushed anything on me. It was more just like what's valued more in society. Science or the arts. And for my school as well, it was very much they pushed science and maths and stuff like that. So I kind of went down that route. But looking back, like, I really should have stuck with the arts because now I'm in a fairly creative field, you know, I make jewelry like it's like my life would have been totally different.
00:09:00:12 - 00:09:02:18
Amy Spalding
But obviously everything happens for a reason. And I'm here.
00:09:02:20 - 00:09:06:08
Ben Branson
Yeah, I mean, I know you're a you're a musical drama fan, right?
00:09:06:09 - 00:09:11:11
Amy Spalding
Yes. Love. Such musical fan. What guy ism.
00:09:11:13 - 00:09:15:23
Ben Branson
Tell me about actually getting diagnosed. What was that process?
00:09:15:23 - 00:09:37:04
Amy Spalding
So obviously everybody had ever know me had been like, babe, yeah, you've got ADHD, but like, it very much plays on my head when people are like, oh, you're being a lot right now. But we'll get back to that. Yeah, I digress, as I said, was very much juggling going to lectures, getting the work done. You know, every project that I had to do was a late penalty.
00:09:37:06 - 00:09:57:04
Amy Spalding
Every single one like, and you actually couldn't make it up. And it's just like, why am I? And I know I have all this time to do it, why am I stressing? And then I'd be pulling all nighters in the in the library, falling asleep like waking up at the desk in like, my head in a pizza box because I'd left everything so last minute because I need that stress to give me the right brain chemicals to actually do the work.
00:09:57:06 - 00:10:22:09
Amy Spalding
And then I kind of had a point in third year, like midway through third year, I was going through a break up with my girlfriend and, you know, the stress of that and then the stress of my work flopping, I had a complete mental breakdown. I was really depressed. And my sister had like, she came, picked me up from uni, like drove all the way up to Leeds five hours because I was literally just like on the verge of a full like mental breakdown.
00:10:22:11 - 00:10:39:12
Amy Spalding
And I got diagnosed with depression, which, you know, we then found out later was linked to my ADHD. And I kind of basically said to uni, I was like, hey, like, I need this time out. And they were very understanding. They gave me a yeah. So I would just I obviously wants to finish my degree. I'd come that far.
00:10:39:15 - 00:11:01:21
Amy Spalding
I enjoyed the degree, I love science, and I took a year out and then in that year I was like, I'm going to take this time to, you know, get my ADHD diagnosis because something's not working at uni. I did, I got it. They spoke to me about my options in terms of medication. I went for a non stimulant because, you know, I do kind of have a addictive personality.
00:11:01:21 - 00:11:18:03
Amy Spalding
I do smoke, I do drink and they were very much like if you do that you shouldn't be taking Ritalin. So I was just like okay, I guess I'll take the doctor's advice and then do the non stimulant or so it was Covid. So because I was at home everybody else was at home. So it's not like I was missing out.
00:11:18:03 - 00:11:40:06
Amy Spalding
I didn't have FOMO. Everybody was stuck at home. I had that time to heal with my family, which is what I needed. I started my jewelry, which is like something to keep my hands busy, which like as an ADHD person, was very like I could watch TV and do something with my hands. It was like, honestly, the best thing for me like is the dream and did my inner healing as well as my mental healing and came back to uni.
00:11:40:06 - 00:12:08:24
Amy Spalding
I was getting like I used to be getting like two twos that I came back, got only first, managed to graduate with the two one, got really high first and my dissertation just takes off. Wow. Yeah, I'd be able to sit in the library and work also. So like borderline regretful and like upset about what I how far I could have gone and how much I could have achieved had I, you know, had the proper support at such a young age through my GCSE, through my A-levels.
00:12:09:01 - 00:12:13:18
Amy Spalding
Like I could have been a superstar, but, you know, everything happens for a reason.
00:12:13:23 - 00:12:27:20
Ben Branson
Yeah, but you're young. Yeah. Like so. Yeah, it's all still ahead. What were your views on ADHD pre people talking to you about it or telling you that you might be.
00:12:27:21 - 00:12:48:15
Amy Spalding
I kind of didn't really have any ideas about it more. Just like stuff I'd seen on TV. Just like some hyper child running around literally headless, which I would be at times, but mostly it comes out, as it often does in women, as laziness, as like not lifting a finger, just lying around, leaving everything last minute as opposed to being like hyperactive.
00:12:48:15 - 00:12:50:03
Amy Spalding
But I have my productive moments.
00:12:50:07 - 00:12:57:02
Ben Branson
Yeah, I want to see how this chimes with you. That this fella found it actually neuro queer.
00:12:57:04 - 00:13:12:14
Amy Spalding
Yeah. So I've always said that if I was to stick with my medical science degree and the kind of sciencey route I would do a study on, you know, being neurodivergent and being queer, because I find that most queer people are neurodivergent in some way. And I want to know what that's about.
00:13:12:16 - 00:13:13:04
Ben Branson
Yeah.
00:13:13:08 - 00:13:22:03
Amy Spalding
So my sisters as well, both dyslexic, they are actually dyslexic, probably have it is a bit like that, definitely dyslexic. And but back where.
00:13:22:05 - 00:13:23:19
Ben Branson
Have you heard that term?
00:13:23:22 - 00:13:26:14
Amy Spalding
No, I haven't had any regrets, but fascinating. I'm going to have to.
00:13:26:14 - 00:13:30:12
Ben Branson
Look that up. And what do you that obviously resonates with.
00:13:30:12 - 00:14:01:09
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it really does. And I guess I think queerness as well is, you know, a lot of my queerness comes from my neurodivergent ness. It's like not fitting in a box. I don't fit in the normal brain box. I don't fit in the normal sexuality box is I express myself very differently because of the way my brain works, and I express myself very differently because of my queerness and the both funky and freaky, both should be celebrated, I think.
00:14:01:11 - 00:14:10:24
Ben Branson
Yeah, I guess you've got misdiagnosis on on the one hand. Yeah. Then you've got your sexuality. Yeah. And then you've got the way that your brain's working.
00:14:10:24 - 00:14:12:04
Amy Spalding
Yeah.
00:14:12:06 - 00:14:15:01
Ben Branson
That to me sounds confusing.
00:14:15:03 - 00:14:16:21
Amy Spalding
Yeah, to say the least.
00:14:16:23 - 00:14:18:09
Ben Branson
Does it feel clear now?
00:14:18:12 - 00:14:45:22
Amy Spalding
It definitely does. And I think it's reflected in the way that I come across, the way that I hold myself. I'm so sure of myself, you know? And part of that is just growing up, being a teenage girl is horrific. Like we especially a teenage girl who's in the closet and undiagnosed ADHD. So like so many different circles, have a Venn diagram where I'm not sure of myself, but now I have that.
00:14:45:22 - 00:15:08:10
Amy Spalding
I know that I'm queer. I'm so loud about my queerness. I went on TV about it like I never would have my like, younger self would have thought I'd do that. I know that I have ADHD, I'm more patient with myself because of my ADHD. I recognize when something's frustrating, not because I'm lazy, but because I have ADHD.
00:15:08:10 - 00:15:12:15
Amy Spalding
And yeah, it just kind of makes me understand myself more.
00:15:12:17 - 00:15:20:15
Ben Branson
I'm really so excited. I like sometimes I just say what comes into my head, right? Yeah, it's.
00:15:20:15 - 00:15:21:00
Amy Spalding
Me in trouble.
00:15:21:00 - 00:15:28:18
Ben Branson
And so I'll just say what comes into my head. I, I feel a real strange sense of being proud of you.
00:15:28:20 - 00:15:30:15
Amy Spalding
it's probably because the are there.
00:15:30:16 - 00:15:34:08
Ben Branson
Yeah, I I'm so excited for you.
00:15:35:10 - 00:15:40:04
Ben Branson
Because when I was your. I sound like it and I.
00:15:40:04 - 00:15:40:22
Amy Spalding
Yeah, yeah.
00:15:40:24 - 00:16:11:08
Ben Branson
I say that, but I'm, I, you know, I'm 41. And so when I was your age at 25 overseas, I didn't know that I was autistic and I didn't know that I was ADHD, but I also didn't want to be alive and with sticking needles in my arms and didn't have anywhere to live. And my ceiling TVs to try and fund my crack and heroin habit.
00:16:11:10 - 00:16:39:03
Ben Branson
And where you are now, knowing what you know and seeing you sit there at ease with yourself and like in the place of you saying that you feel on top of the world, but you also recognize that you're not going to feel like that forever. And and taking that in. That's amazing.
00:16:39:06 - 00:17:02:08
Amy Spalding
Thank you. I mean, yeah, it's taken a lot of work and a lot of layers. But I also recognize that there's more layers to come. You know, it's about managing that. It's about setting myself up for opportunities where I'm not just writing off of five minutes of fame. I've got to recognize that all good things must come to an end and, you know, set up opportunities for myself that have longevity.
00:17:02:10 - 00:17:04:14
Ben Branson
You know, let's talk about five minutes of fame.
00:17:04:15 - 00:17:05:20
Amy Spalding
Yeah. Let's,
00:17:05:22 - 00:17:11:12
Ben Branson
Your words, so most people will know you from being on TV.
00:17:11:13 - 00:17:12:15
Amy Spalding
Yeah.
00:17:12:17 - 00:17:25:01
Ben Branson
And can you just briefly, I'm sure you've been asked this the times. Amy. Yeah. Just give listeners and viewers a flavor of. Yeah, what you've been up to.
00:17:25:01 - 00:17:52:19
Amy Spalding
Yeah. So last September, I was flown out to Italy by the BBC to take part in the UK's first women loving women, you know, female queer relationship dating show, I Kissed a Girl. And it was the most amazing experience. The most proud experience and yeah, the craziest thing I've ever done in my life. The premise is crazy as well.
00:17:52:19 - 00:18:03:14
Amy Spalding
Like it's the format is you have to meet somebody that you've never met before or seen before. kiss them for the first time. Which, if I can do that, I can do anything.
00:18:03:16 - 00:18:08:00
Ben Branson
How was the experience of of getting there? The beginning bit.
00:18:08:06 - 00:18:25:04
Amy Spalding
Yeah. So that was like a wild rollercoaster. Each stage of the process of the like, audition process, I was like, that'll be it, that'll be it. But then you just keep going. Hey, we love you. We want to come back. We want you to come in to to do a zoom call that we're going to record, you know, pitch the producers.
00:18:25:04 - 00:18:41:23
Amy Spalding
Oh, now we want you to come in to the BBC studios in London. Oh, we want to come round to your house to meet your family, because that's what the producers. I was like one of the stages. We want you to come do mental health check all of that. And it's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And like, the whole time, you don't know how many other people are at the same stage as you, obviously.
00:18:41:23 - 00:18:45:16
Amy Spalding
So it's like we never knew how well I done.
00:18:45:16 - 00:18:47:04
Ben Branson
And you still don't know if you're in and.
00:18:47:04 - 00:18:52:05
Amy Spalding
You still don't know if you're into a week before, literally a week before. And then I was like, oh my God, get me to the shops.
00:18:52:07 - 00:18:54:05
Ben Branson
So how long was that process?
00:18:54:05 - 00:19:11:19
Amy Spalding
It it varied for different people. So for some of the other girls, it was literally a couple of weeks, like a three weeks for me. I was the producer told me about the very first person on the board and like other people came on the board and then other people came off the board. My kind of I stayed there from the from the start, which was May.
00:19:11:19 - 00:19:12:09
Amy Spalding
I want to say.
00:19:12:14 - 00:19:13:18
Ben Branson
Okay, so wow.
00:19:13:18 - 00:19:26:24
Amy Spalding
So six months. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's which was which was a long time. But it was kind of exciting. It kind of gave me that like mental stimulation, you know, that boosted over me. And every time I go that, oh did I keep going.
00:19:26:24 - 00:19:29:17
Ben Branson
And why were you really quiet when you went in?
00:19:29:19 - 00:20:00:03
Amy Spalding
Well, I think for a few reasons. One, my dad was having major heart surgery and that was obviously weighing on my mind too. So I'm normally the loudest person in the room. Like I we walked and had no idea what to expect. There's like crews of over 100 people, you know, there's like all these people running around that just for you and then like going into an environment where I'm sat with these girls who are all so loud, such big, big, big personalities.
00:20:00:03 - 00:20:15:17
Amy Spalding
I felt like small. And I had to adapt. And also, like, you have expectations of what it's going to be like, what the people are going to be like, you know, no, no one in that really was my type. And I was a dating show and I was kind of like overwhelmed by that. And I was like, oh, I really thought it was going to be different.
00:20:15:19 - 00:20:39:06
Amy Spalding
And then I kind of had to adapt to that and adapt to other people's energies and ages. But after like two days after, literally like an adjustment period, I felt like settled in my town and my dad was fine. His heart surgery went well and yeah, just kind of let my freak ADHD self fly. And I had the best time ever, I really did.
00:20:39:12 - 00:20:42:11
Ben Branson
Did you tell them that you were ADHD before you went on?
00:20:42:13 - 00:20:54:18
Amy Spalding
Yes I did, it kind of just slipped out as it does. I wasn't ever really conscious that that would affect my application process though. But it's also great because I was a medic every day giving my my, my meds. So I was actually taking my meds, remembering to take them.
00:20:54:21 - 00:21:03:04
Ben Branson
And then what about the reaction of everyone else that was in the, sorry, the Masseria.
00:21:03:06 - 00:21:04:18
Amy Spalding
The master at the BBC? What happened?
00:21:04:18 - 00:21:06:00
Ben Branson
The BBC must have.
00:21:06:02 - 00:21:06:10
Amy Spalding
Come down.
00:21:06:15 - 00:21:09:14
Ben Branson
On this down. Yeah. How much did you discuss that?
00:21:09:16 - 00:21:26:19
Amy Spalding
It is obviously a big part of my personality. people, you know, you kind of saw it on the show with people being like, I've never met anyone like you before, and I did it fairly, but that don't my ADHD and my neurodivergent, it would be just something that I'd talk about. Or people would be like, oh, you, you're being really ADHD.
00:21:26:19 - 00:21:29:14
Ben Branson
What does being really ADHD mean?
00:21:29:16 - 00:21:49:20
Amy Spalding
So for me, I get it from like my friends and my family when they're like, have you taken your meds today? And it really like it's a real trigger for me because it's like, this is who I am. You wouldn't say that to someone with a disability. Like and it is a disability, where it is my greatest strength.
00:21:49:20 - 00:22:06:01
Amy Spalding
It's also my biggest downfall. And when you're constantly bringing it up to me like it's a bad thing, I'm going to then hide away from that part of myself and, like, reject that part of myself when really I need to lean into it. Because as I said, it is my biggest strength. It's why, you know, the show worked out for me so well.
00:22:06:03 - 00:22:19:06
Amy Spalding
But yeah, I get, you know, that I'm being super manic or like I'm talking a lot. I'm interrupting people, driving like an idiot. Oh, yeah. I'm just jumping from topic to topic like I've done here.
00:22:19:08 - 00:22:26:08
Ben Branson
When you reflect back on your time on the show, how do you think your ADHD manifested?
00:22:26:10 - 00:22:52:02
Amy Spalding
It manifests in the kind of quirky ways. Make sure I'm going to work. You know, like trying to entertain myself and other people because like, I need to always be doing something. I can't just be lying in this, you know, literally, probably just entertaining the others talking, trying to, like, understand everyone because I love conversation. I love picking people's brains, figuring out why they take the way that they do.
00:22:52:02 - 00:23:09:06
Amy Spalding
And I think that just like, allows me to I have such verbal diarrhea. I have such I'm such an open book. I cannot be myself if I try. I think that kind of manifests itself in a genuine way that people warm to, and that people feel like that they can be comfortable around. And that's so again, why it is my greatest strength.
00:23:09:06 - 00:23:20:08
Amy Spalding
It's not that I'm doing it on purpose, just like I do, and it makes people feel more comfortable around me because I'm making a fool of myself. So there's no way that I could be more of a buffoon than I.
00:23:20:10 - 00:23:23:12
Ben Branson
Well, people are called you like the people's princess.
00:23:23:14 - 00:23:24:09
Amy Spalding
Lesbian Princess.
00:23:24:09 - 00:23:28:02
Ben Branson
Diana thing. I mean. Well, I, well I they.
00:23:28:03 - 00:23:32:22
Amy Spalding
The class they will find some way to like make it so amazing. I want to say so creative.
00:23:33:01 - 00:23:39:22
Ben Branson
But you clearly are really funny. What do you think the connection is between your ADHD and humor?
00:23:39:24 - 00:24:01:07
Amy Spalding
I think I get, oh, just in fact this right the second I think like I get a dopamine hit from a laugh, join me like it's an ego boost. It's, it's, I'm doing something right. I'm fitting in. Finally, I'm in the norm because I'm accepted by the crowd where I normally wouldn't be because I'm too much.
00:24:01:08 - 00:24:02:20
Amy Spalding
You know what I mean?
00:24:02:22 - 00:24:10:20
Ben Branson
We spoke before this about you being too much. Yeah. Can you just tell me a bit about that? Yeah, I.
00:24:10:20 - 00:24:30:16
Amy Spalding
Get that a lot. You know, it even came out on the show. There was a moment where, With Hannah, we were, like, playing a game. And I interrupted her and she was like, oh, if I could change my thing to what I would change most about you, it would be that you that you interrupt me and that you talk too much.
00:24:30:18 - 00:24:51:02
Amy Spalding
that really just triggered an insecurity of mine where I am too much. People don't want to be around me because it's because I'm too much. I don't feel like I'm palatable to people when all I want is to end and be loved. And that kind of, yeah, very much triggered that side of me.
00:24:51:04 - 00:24:52:24
Ben Branson
But too much. What? Too much.
00:24:52:24 - 00:25:09:10
Amy Spalding
Too much energy. Too much in your face. Too much trying to like, get a laugh out of people. Too much. Everything too much, too loud, too much. Trying to be the center of attention. which I do see, I get it. It's annoying, but, like.
00:25:09:12 - 00:25:11:13
Ben Branson
Do you think people are intimidated by that?
00:25:11:15 - 00:25:33:12
Amy Spalding
I think people get annoyed by a few. Sometimes peace and quiet is nice rather than having me up. And then you're going like, on some random tangent or trying to tell a story and then getting diverted 72 ways and ending up somewhere completely different when we intended to. So, but I'd like to think people are intimidated by it, but honestly, I think it makes me less intimidating.
00:25:33:12 - 00:25:46:12
Amy Spalding
I think it makes me vulnerable. I think it makes me weak and raw because I, playing my cards all on the table all of the time, which I guess could be intimidating to someone who can't do that.
00:25:46:14 - 00:25:49:22
Ben Branson
what does that mean for love and relationships for you?
00:25:49:24 - 00:26:12:17
Amy Spalding
I think it means it can get messy sometimes because I say things that I like haven't like in my head, they sound differently. I'm not very. I don't find I'm very particular. I feel things I don't if I feel thoughts as opposed to thinking words, and I think that translates poorly. I'll say stuff that I don't mean that way, but I can hear it when the words leave my mouth.
00:26:12:20 - 00:26:34:17
Amy Spalding
But I also think it makes me just like, vulnerable and love. I love vulnerable, I love, I'm such a love, such. I've got so much love to give and want to receive. So much love makes me probably like anxious attachment vibes. You know, if I'm not getting the reciprocation that I think I should be getting or like they're not replying, I spiral.
00:26:34:19 - 00:26:37:17
Amy Spalding
But also, as I said, it's my greatest strength.
00:26:37:19 - 00:26:40:05
Ben Branson
Did you find love in the mass area?
00:26:40:10 - 00:27:00:03
Amy Spalding
I did not, I found love, actually, that's a lie. I did find love. I found friendships, friendship, love. I found soulmates like some of the girls in that are literally for lifers. I definitely found love. I found a lot of platonic love and I found a lot of love for myself. You know, especially after the show came out.
00:27:00:03 - 00:27:25:09
Amy Spalding
Having all of these, like most of my DMs, are people relating to me and my journey of not only my queerness and my feminist as well presenting as typical lesbians dead. And that's why representation in the media is so important, but also the fact that people are like, I'm always told I'm too much. I'm always told, you know, I talk too much or I'm in your face, or I should quiet down.
00:27:25:11 - 00:27:39:15
Amy Spalding
But, you know, now I realize that I shouldn't, and that can be I should lean into it as opposed to as opposed to shying away from it. And like, that's something I never thought would come out of the show. I thought me going the show I went on because I wanted to be that representation that I didn't have growing up.
00:27:39:15 - 00:28:07:07
Amy Spalding
And that my sisters didn't have growing up. I wanted to be that femme lesbian that femme representation, and I never thought that it would actually be that. I'm also that neurodivergent representation. I'm that kind of representation where people see themselves and me and relay and also feel proud of themselves for it. It's like it makes me want to cry when I think about it like, never did I ever think I'd have that kind of impact.
00:28:07:07 - 00:28:32:21
Amy Spalding
And it's just been absolutely amazing and so affirming and without a doubt the proudest thing I've ever done. And you know, I never thought I'd go on reality TV. You know, there's very much that stigma around it. And the kind of message and the positive response it's had from people was just proven that what I did and trusted my gut in terms of doing, jumping, taking that leap, yeah, exactly what I should have done and where I meant to be.
00:28:32:23 - 00:28:39:18
Ben Branson
So tell me about that last day. and then reintegration. They probably call it.
00:28:39:23 - 00:29:00:00
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it was. So we obviously didn't have our phones, which I am very much as I said, I have an addictive personality, goes hand in hand with ADHD. I still like I'm very attached to my phone. My sisters like if they do that, if they have rehab for your phone, like we're going to put you in that. But and I was worried if that I was going to be in there like twiddling my thumbs like I need stimulation.
00:29:00:00 - 00:29:19:08
Amy Spalding
All of the time. But being in that, do you have that stimulation from you're on TV, you have all of these producers running around doing everything for you. You have like these people that you've never met before. And I got all of that stimulation that I would normally be getting from my phone from that. And I found it amazing.
00:29:19:08 - 00:29:38:23
Amy Spalding
Like I literally was so grateful to not have it. And then, you know, four weeks later, three weeks later, we're giving our phones back. I literally like, couldn't look at that. I didn't turn on. I like someone else because my friends and family were that as I told someone else to call my sister, get her down to the buffet like I literally was, the last thing I want to do is turn it on.
00:29:38:23 - 00:30:02:24
Amy Spalding
And then when I did, I let shit, I, I really crashed, really crashed. Didn't want to read all my messages. Was it replying to anyone like my best friend who's also my ex-girlfriend? Classic. She was like, you're like, not even applying. I'm not spoken to you in three weeks and I'm just so overwhelmed. Also, that crash, as we were saying, of being where you're the center of attention, there's like 100 crew looking after you, waiting on you.
00:30:02:24 - 00:30:20:11
Amy Spalding
Hannah, for, you know, you bump a table and they're like, running over to you because, like, are you okay? And then going from that to nothing was like really, really an adjustment period. I was really like low for the first like three weeks after it. And you know, they were they were good. We had a mental health nurse on call.
00:30:20:11 - 00:30:26:20
Amy Spalding
So we would talk to them a lot about that. And then it was just like a long period of like when I walk for six months. So the show came out.
00:30:26:22 - 00:30:39:09
Ben Branson
Yeah. That's the thing. The I obviously haven't done a TV show, but just this, this thing happening that no one else is exposed to. Yeah. And then.
00:30:39:15 - 00:30:39:23
Amy Spalding
We can't do.
00:30:39:24 - 00:30:48:24
Ben Branson
Every book and you can't talk about and then everybody's exposed. But in the future. Yeah. And then you're kind of the reactions. Oh yeah. Something that.
00:30:48:24 - 00:30:49:11
Amy Spalding
Happened.
00:30:49:14 - 00:30:50:15
Ben Branson
Six months ago.
00:30:50:20 - 00:31:08:06
Amy Spalding
So it was, it was so funny because whenever I would meet up with one of the girls from the show, it'd be like, oh, we can finally talk about all the shit. Because, like, normally with my sisters, they'd be like, oh yeah, we got you. And it's like, yeah, you on TV like all of that. But it was like, oh my God, we can like, what do you think's going gonna happen to the the like.
00:31:08:06 - 00:31:23:19
Amy Spalding
How do you think this is going to come across. Cause you never know. We didn't know what was going to be show and we had no idea how it was going to be shared. So, yeah, we kind of had each other to go through all of that. And we still do that group chat. Like there's obviously like been a couple of tiffs and rifts between friendships and stuff.
00:31:23:19 - 00:31:32:03
Amy Spalding
But like at the end of the day, we all went through this life changing experience and, you know, we'll hold each other's hands to oh.
00:31:32:05 - 00:31:38:03
Ben Branson
And what do you think that show is done for queerness? What's your sense?
00:31:38:03 - 00:32:13:24
Amy Spalding
It's done so much. It's also come at the perfect time in terms of queer women representation. You know, the gays in terms of gay men have always had a lot of representation on TV. There's always the gbf like you've always got gay male representation in the media, probably like there's a big boom in the 90s, early noughties and like we're now having that Sapphic revolution that like of these queer women, you know, Billie Eilish coming out with a very explicit, you know, a women loving women song.
00:32:13:24 - 00:32:35:06
Amy Spalding
You've got a chaperon who's like, like leading the revolution. Renee. Right. The L-word, like all of this queer representation. And then on top of that, we've got this queer reality TV show which is just come at the perfect time. And it's like, I think the reaction that we've got from the public is exactly proof of how desperately we all need it.
00:32:35:12 - 00:32:51:19
Amy Spalding
And, you know, I've had people like, I've had people messaged me saying, like, I realized I was queer because of the show. And it's like, so amazing to have that at such a young age, because coming out as a queer woman in your like 30s, 40s, when you maybe have married and have kids can be so detrimental to so many people's lives.
00:32:51:23 - 00:33:15:02
Amy Spalding
And to have that, like, you know, I can feel that, you know, how much it affected me coming out at 21. So having those people realize from the show and giving that representation at a younger age is saving a lot of trauma, and also people feeling comfortable enough to come out to their families, families being more understanding of it because they're seeing it on TV for the first time, which is ridiculous.
00:33:15:02 - 00:33:19:08
Amy Spalding
That's 2024. That's the first time I'm seeing it. But better late than never.
00:33:19:10 - 00:33:23:02
Ben Branson
Better late than never. Agree. That's pretty powerful, isn't it?
00:33:23:04 - 00:33:48:22
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it really is. It really is. And I'm so because I latched onto so much of the lesbian canon growing up, you know, I'd watch seasons and seasons of a TV show for that one case between these two girls, just so unlike, you know, fast forwarding to season four, episode six, minute 30 of Clay. To watch, Santana and Brittany has to be a part of that lesbian canon itself.
00:33:48:24 - 00:34:04:16
Amy Spalding
It's just full circle moment. And so healing of my inner child that like it's amazing. And like people are telling me they're writing their dissertations about me and like all of that and it's just like crazy. It's absolute crazy and couldn't have predicted that.
00:34:04:21 - 00:34:25:14
Ben Branson
Let's talk a bit about language and labels, but I am really grateful for you coming on the show because it gives me an opportunity to learn. Yeah, about a lot of things that I don't know about. Right. And not in my day to day sphere. And so I wondered if we could do a kind of like Amy's dictionary definition.
00:34:25:14 - 00:34:29:21
Ben Branson
Yeah. Let's start with femme femme. Yeah, actually, let's start with femme.
00:34:29:21 - 00:34:35:13
Amy Spalding
Yeah. Okay. I think to be honest as well, like the lesbian lexicon is changing for me.
00:34:35:16 - 00:34:36:05
Ben Branson
Okay.
00:34:36:06 - 00:34:58:13
Amy Spalding
So I'm trying to not put myself in a box and other people in a box because when we do that, you know, I was put in a box on my whole life, put in a shoebox, put in a new normal box. And what benefit how did that benefit me? It didn't. So I think femme obviously is like more typical girly if we're talking about, you know, gender as a binary.
00:34:58:15 - 00:35:22:13
Amy Spalding
And yeah, femme for families. Another family likes femmes, which is obviously like in terms of queerness, you normally see the typical mask, the heteronormative, you know, idea of what a lesbian relationship looks like is a mask in a femme, which, you know, we've seen in the media normally. So like for the first time, we're seeing them for femme relationships.
00:35:22:15 - 00:35:28:15
Amy Spalding
I wish there was a mask for mass relationship, because that's also even more rare.
00:35:28:16 - 00:35:30:17
Ben Branson
And so mask what's that.
00:35:30:23 - 00:35:50:05
Amy Spalding
Mask is like more masculine presenting, you know, maybe the short hair, the kind of, you know, covering of the chest. The typical boy clothes, which I love to lean into as well. But like in a feminine way, I'd say like I'm wearing a shirt and a skirt right now. Yeah.
00:35:50:07 - 00:35:51:10
Ben Branson
Black cat.
00:35:51:12 - 00:36:15:00
Amy Spalding
Black cat. So these all these like this, like these words that they were coming out with, I was like, where the hell have they pulled this from? It's just more just like, you know, like Dom, I'd say it's like dominant and like, okay, once what they want because they want to. And then like, you have the golden retriever, which is like laid back and like, just like, easygoing, like a puppy vibes.
00:36:15:02 - 00:36:17:04
Ben Branson
And then mother, mother.
00:36:17:06 - 00:36:36:13
Amy Spalding
You're looking at her mother is just like an energy. It's like, how would I describe mother? You're just mother. You can be mother and you are mother. It's just someone who is someone you look up to. And it's just like an icon. And just like mother.
00:36:36:15 - 00:36:38:13
Ben Branson
like with the click.
00:36:38:13 - 00:36:40:11
Amy Spalding
Yeah, with the clicks.
00:36:40:13 - 00:36:41:19
Ben Branson
well, let's talk about dike.
00:36:41:23 - 00:37:09:09
Amy Spalding
Yeah. Dike obviously was a slut. And to be a lesbian felt like a slur to me. The word lesbian felt like a slide to me for the longest time. But yeah, we just, as we said, reclaiming the word. It's not something to be ashamed of. Yeah, I'm a big fat dike. It's the best thing about me that might say it's something that, you know, had a lot of shame around it for such a long time and was like, Dirty dike, like, that, like rug muncher vibe.
00:37:09:09 - 00:37:25:00
Amy Spalding
But we're just kind of like, reclaiming it, and I want people to be, that's why. So I make jewelry and the jewelry that I make. I started out with spoon rings. It's just what I was doing in lockdown. And then I was in Vietnam with my ex girlfriend, split up at the time, my ex girlfriend, best friend. So sapphic.
00:37:25:02 - 00:37:26:07
Ben Branson
wait, what is Suffolk?
00:37:26:08 - 00:37:45:10
Amy Spalding
Suffolk is like so suffix derived from Sappho, Greek goddess who was the first lesbian and she's write lesbian poetry. So Sapphic just means women loving women. And yeah, I was like a dike rang and I was like, I want to make this for my little sister, because she's also dike just made a made a tick TikTok about it and it kind of blew up.
00:37:45:10 - 00:38:06:09
Amy Spalding
It's like, makes me so proud because I'm putting and I'm wearing on my finger. So something that's like so like whoa. And like it's a dirty word. My TikToks get banned all of the time because I'm saying it because I'm talking about a even though, like, it's who I am and I'm reclaiming it, it's still seen as a when, you know, when social media is seeing as a dirty word, when they're censoring it, it's giving homophobic.
00:38:06:09 - 00:38:25:24
Amy Spalding
It's giving. Why are we saying that? And it's like, stop censoring our queerness. But now I'd wear it like loud and proud of my finger. Never would I have ever thought at school, the shy little girl who was crying at parties because she couldn't be her square self, would wear such a dirty quotation marks word on her finger.
00:38:26:01 - 00:38:32:12
Ben Branson
It's funny because I'm a farming boy. Yeah. So my understanding growing up.
00:38:32:15 - 00:38:37:23
Amy Spalding
Of a dike. Yeah, yeah yeah. Geography took me. I love coming like.
00:38:38:00 - 00:38:40:20
Ben Branson
The like ditches. Yeah yeah yeah yeah rivers.
00:38:40:20 - 00:38:52:05
Amy Spalding
And it's funny because I posted that TikTok and people are like what does that word me to that someone, someone was like, oh, it's like a thing in a stream. And I was like, babe, we'll take it however you want to. Yeah. Such a geography where anything.
00:38:52:09 - 00:39:01:08
Ben Branson
And so what? What's the reaction to you creating these dike rings? What? And and that and reclaiming that word? Yeah.
00:39:01:08 - 00:39:21:02
Amy Spalding
I think I was nervous about it because I was like, this could go 1 or 2 ways, but it's been totally positive. And I think that's what happens with queerness as well. We are always the first to step outside of the box. So with fashion, we're always pushing the boundaries. We're pushing the cultural envelope always. So this was kind of a way to do that even more.
00:39:21:02 - 00:39:32:19
Amy Spalding
And I just knew that because we got to the guys got it. The royal mother like it made sense. And it's just yeah, the reaction I've had to where everybody wants one, everybody wants to take on that finger.
00:39:32:19 - 00:39:34:16
Ben Branson
And you have been making these.
00:39:34:16 - 00:39:57:10
Amy Spalding
Yeah, I'm how I make them myself, which on top of all of that like has to go process and pride month as well. It's been absolute hell on my ADHD like managing that has been really difficult. Like that's it's been really difficult. But I'm getting some help getting some help with the production, getting some help with the creative side of things.
00:39:57:10 - 00:40:15:15
Amy Spalding
Because I just foresee this to be a massive thing, and I'm gonna grab the bull by the horns and really run with it. It makes the work easy because I'm like enjoying it, I love it, I feel so passionate about everyone being loud and proud, and I feel so passionate about jewelry and fashion, so it's makes it easy.
00:40:15:15 - 00:40:41:12
Amy Spalding
However, like I do really struggle with the my like accounts are so messy. Like I struggle with the organization. I struggle with the timekeeping. You know, there's people awaiting orders, which really stresses me out. So it's all very new to me, this world as well, managing the kind of social aspect as well as like running a business. Who would have thought I'd be an entrepreneur like, well, but I think that's just the way my brain works as well.
00:40:41:14 - 00:40:44:19
Ben Branson
Forget business for a second. Like, how entrepreneurial are you?
00:40:44:21 - 00:41:02:17
Amy Spalding
I definitely like, I want to work for myself, my dad and entrepreneur. He's also very neurodivergent, like the way I watch him think, yeah, I think it's definitely ingrained in me. I never that's why I quit science or like, gave up. I didn't want to be at a desk or a lab for the rest of my life. I did like experience with my dad at like 15.
00:41:02:17 - 00:41:23:22
Amy Spalding
The takeaway was that I could never like this at a desk for nine five again because I just like lit uses, but no one see something. I'd say right now my life consists of me running around London, either shooting podcasts, or I'm having meetings about my jewelry, or I'm in the workshop making my jewelry. And it's just like that kind of mental stimulation of doing loads of different things.
00:41:23:22 - 00:41:26:23
Amy Spalding
It's just really what works for me. And I'm loving every second of it.
00:41:27:00 - 00:41:33:00
Ben Branson
And how long do you think you need to be loud and proud.
00:41:33:02 - 00:41:56:13
Amy Spalding
For your whole life? But also it's it's also situational. Situational. And you know, some people can't be so loud and proud. And that's why us who can have to be louder and prouder so that we can normalize it, and then everyone can feel good about themselves or feel safe. And that's why we need to vote. And we need to protect, protect trans kids.
00:41:56:14 - 00:42:18:18
Amy Spalding
Like at the moment, trans kids rights are being stripped, like in front of their very eyes. And it's very scary that we can be so progressive in one some like one kind of queer way and then, you know, lean into that and latch on to that pink wash while we're taking away literal children's rights. Like we need to keep fighting the good fight.
00:42:18:20 - 00:42:20:13
Ben Branson
And sleight of hand magic, it's.
00:42:20:13 - 00:42:40:14
Amy Spalding
Literally sleight of hand. It's literally sleight of hand. Look over here while I'm doing something terrible over that, but it's all baby steps as well. You know, the show is a baby step for more queer representation, and I'm sure there will be, like more trans shows coming out soon because, you know, we need to take baby steps before we can jump.
00:42:40:14 - 00:42:49:07
Amy Spalding
And we've proven that. And I think it'll happen quicker than we originally thought, because there's such a thirst for it. And the reaction that the shows had has been so positive, it's going to be a no brainer next time.
00:42:49:09 - 00:42:59:11
Ben Branson
Yeah, and this is the like, insane power and speed at which things can now change. Yeah. Because of social. Because it's not connected. Which is.
00:42:59:11 - 00:43:00:14
Amy Spalding
Scary, is.
00:43:00:14 - 00:43:02:20
Ben Branson
Scary, but harnessed in the right way.
00:43:02:21 - 00:43:05:07
Amy Spalding
Exactly. It's exactly that.
00:43:05:09 - 00:43:08:01
Ben Branson
You can create new norms. Yeah. In a. Yeah.
00:43:08:03 - 00:43:19:24
Amy Spalding
Exactly. And you can create, you know, cultures and communities and support and you can do so much good. It's like a it's like a weapon, any weapon, isn't it. Like using the wrong way.
00:43:20:01 - 00:43:21:00
Ben Branson
Yeah. Like a hammer.
00:43:21:05 - 00:43:24:05
Amy Spalding
Yeah. That's so true. So true. Such a but.
00:43:24:05 - 00:43:25:11
Ben Branson
Also very dangerous.
00:43:25:14 - 00:43:26:08
Amy Spalding
Dangerous. Yeah.
00:43:26:13 - 00:43:30:15
Ben Branson
Have they commissioned another series of ISIS to go.
00:43:30:15 - 00:43:53:00
Amy Spalding
So the way they're doing it is I guess, boy. So they're doing another season of like it's a boy and then another season of like a show which you know, I think from this show will have ITV, channel four coming out with their own versions, like it's going to be yeah yeah yeah yeah. Or they're going to start bringing lasers into Love Island off by people bisexual, Love Island.
00:43:53:02 - 00:43:57:13
Amy Spalding
Now why didn't they do that? Exactly two massively.
00:43:57:15 - 00:44:03:04
Ben Branson
I heard you say the like all the a lot of the cast and crew were also queer.
00:44:03:05 - 00:44:30:19
Amy Spalding
Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Which was that, that just made the show for me. Like I'm so close with so many of the producers, like maybe closer than some of the cast members, because that they were the London lesbians that I thought I was going to be meeting on the show. And I did in some ways, but like having them as a support system and just like them understanding not only my life experience and my queer journey, but also the weight of what the show was doing meant absolutely everything.
00:44:30:21 - 00:44:36:11
Amy Spalding
Like it was so amazing and I love all of them very much.
00:44:36:11 - 00:44:46:05
Ben Branson
I really get this sense that you in a in a really good way, take the responsibility that you have really seriously. Yeah.
00:44:46:05 - 00:45:00:03
Amy Spalding
And I think I think it's because of how I grew up and not being secure at my queerness and also kind of being a bit older than maybe some of the other girls. It's the weight of what I knew, what it would have done for me.
00:45:00:03 - 00:45:04:17
Ben Branson
But did you think about that before going on or was part of, I think, going on the show?
00:45:04:19 - 00:45:23:06
Amy Spalding
I think it happened while I was out there because I would be talking to Sha like one of the producers about like our favorite lesbian films. And then just like all of the, like, lesbian lore, the like is such a big part of all of, queer girls queerness. They were like, we're making history. Like we genuinely made history with it.
00:45:23:06 - 00:45:43:21
Amy Spalding
Before it was coming out, we were like, nervous about how it was going to be perceived, or like some of the girls who came in later were like, we didn't really get the time to shine. But at the end of the day, like, we would just be reminding each other like we are part of this movement, you know, we're part of step towards like quick children feeling more comfortable in themselves.
00:45:43:21 - 00:45:46:18
Ben Branson
When you watched the actual episodes, did it ring true?
00:45:46:19 - 00:46:01:14
Amy Spalding
That was the question my parents had or my mum had and my sisters had. When they did, the family visit was like, is it going to be all about the drama? Is it going to be like the villain? There's they're going to be villains painted and stuff like that. And they were very much like, no, this is about representation.
00:46:01:14 - 00:46:27:02
Amy Spalding
And that's what I think really comes across in the edit is like one we're so good at communicating, which is like crazy. What happens when you like, just put a bunch of women as opposed to like men and women and, like somewhere. No offense and no offense. And you can see it from the first episode and we have a talk about why the girl is at the front of LGBT, and it being to do with the lesbians stepping up in the Aids crisis when nobody else would.
00:46:27:04 - 00:46:29:19
Amy Spalding
And it's like educating so much.
00:46:29:19 - 00:46:30:04
Ben Branson
Wow.
00:46:30:04 - 00:46:30:15
Amy Spalding
Yeah.
00:46:30:18 - 00:46:31:14
Ben Branson
Is that why?
00:46:31:14 - 00:46:59:07
Amy Spalding
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lesbians who were also on the outskirts of society and like, the cultural norm, stepped in and really, like, helped the gay brothers. And that's why they put the the L version. Makes me, like, so emotional when I cry because it's just like, again, how important the community is. And then other conversations putting women's sports on TV because all we see is men's sports and other conversations around queerness and being a parent.
00:46:59:07 - 00:47:06:16
Amy Spalding
Why is it so? Why is it that straight couples get five rounds of IVF for free on the NHS? But queer people, queer couples don't?
00:47:06:18 - 00:47:07:13
Ben Branson
Are you kidding me?
00:47:07:14 - 00:47:37:23
Amy Spalding
No. Yeah, I think it's changing now. But like that, I think until like last year, that was the case. Like. Which is so baffling. It's like it's so baffling. And then like in Italy, for example, too, you can't have two mothers on a birth certificate. They've just taken that right away, like just stripped that. So, like if you're born and you have a lesbian parent, any one of the mothers can be on the bus ticket, even if it was like your egg and like, it's just so baffling and so many important conversations were had, kept in like all of those conversations were having kept it.
00:47:37:23 - 00:47:59:22
Amy Spalding
And so like again, it's not just a show that's about entertainment, it's about representation, and it's also about education. As you said, like you didn't know any of that, or like gay men who didn't know anything about lesbians because all we see is about gay men. It's about all of that. So so I a about well-rounded show and very much.
00:47:59:24 - 00:48:01:19
Ben Branson
And quite progressive for the BBC.
00:48:01:19 - 00:48:14:20
Amy Spalding
Yeah, exactly. And I think it's important that it actually was the BBC that did it first because obviously that's our national channel that's like the UK's go to and famously very can be seen as very kind of right wing and bias.
00:48:14:22 - 00:48:17:05
Ben Branson
So or very neutral.
00:48:17:05 - 00:48:20:08
Amy Spalding
Yeah. Or very neutral. So it's nice to have that.
00:48:20:10 - 00:48:21:12
Ben Branson
Yeah. And how is that.
00:48:21:17 - 00:48:24:03
Amy Spalding
No no no he's a babe. She's my mother.
00:48:24:04 - 00:48:24:13
Ben Branson
Younger.
00:48:24:15 - 00:48:44:16
Amy Spalding
Oh yeah. Yeah. Actually you and me both babe. She's she's my, She really looked after us in the. She was always, like, checking in as well. Just being like. It was like, hey, like, have you got water? Because it was like, obviously really hot. And then when we, when we filmed the reunion, she gives a little speech before we all like kind of went down and it like means a lot to her what she's doing for the queer community as well.
00:48:44:16 - 00:48:46:14
Ben Branson
And so they didn't have lots of alcohol.
00:48:46:20 - 00:48:47:04
Amy Spalding
No.
00:48:47:04 - 00:48:48:15
Ben Branson
To talk about. Yeah.
00:48:48:17 - 00:49:04:07
Amy Spalding
We were, which was probably good. Like there was one night where we were supposed to share a bottle of prosecco, but like two of the girls in one, it's like me and this other girl shot the whole bottle. The first album we hadn't been drinking for like two weeks. I tolerance was so low and I was like, whoa, I'm feeling crazy.
00:49:04:07 - 00:49:08:16
Amy Spalding
And the next day I was like, oh my God, thank God we can't get drunk every night because I actually would make a fool of myself.
00:49:08:16 - 00:49:10:22
Ben Branson
How does alcohol interact with your medication?
00:49:11:01 - 00:49:31:05
Amy Spalding
I'm not supposed drink. I don't know if it's such a coffee. I'm not supposed to smoke. So, Doctor Grenfell, any as you're watching this, look away and, But yeah, we weren't. We were allowed to, like, this size glass of wine and I and small glass. Small, small glass. I wanted five and they were very spread out. So we're like, we have one glass at like whatever time.
00:49:31:05 - 00:49:36:13
Amy Spalding
And then we don't we didn't know the time in there. And then like an hour later, two hours I said you can have another glass. And I was like.
00:49:36:15 - 00:49:38:21
Ben Branson
How was that not knowing the time?
00:49:38:23 - 00:50:01:12
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it's interesting because I experience time blindness in my everyday life as well. So not knowing the time was very relatable to me. I where normally I wear like three watches and none of them and I like to say that that's why I'm always like, but really it's my ADHD. So like having not knowing the time was nothing new to me because I'm always running late.
00:50:01:14 - 00:50:03:08
Amy Spalding
I feel like with time blindness,
00:50:03:13 - 00:50:04:04
Amy Spalding
I really struggle with,
00:50:04:04 - 00:50:16:10
Amy Spalding
upsetting people. And people think that I don't value their time and it's like it could not be further from that. It's like I'm not doing it because I literally don't care about you. It's something I genuinely cannot control for the life of me.
00:50:16:16 - 00:50:35:17
Amy Spalding
This is why I find so frustrating with ADHD is simple stuff that should be so simple, made so difficult, like be on time. No, I'm always going to be two minutes. Say always. My friends like hate me because of it. Like they'll tell me times. They'll be like, okay, okay, this starts half an hour early and they'll lie to me because they know that I'll get that one time and I'll probably still be like.
00:50:35:19 - 00:50:45:15
Ben Branson
This is so interesting because a this is all part of executive functioning and the challenges that we have with ADHD and doing these. Simple. Yeah.
00:50:45:15 - 00:50:57:18
Amy Spalding
Like the amount of times I have normal things. Yeah. The amount of times I've googled like how to like better my idea, my executive function, like executive function is like something I'm always googling because I like need tips and tricks.
00:50:57:18 - 00:51:20:22
Ben Branson
Yeah, it's it's fun to figure out. And then the other interesting thing is and this I'm going on, I guess we've had on previously and specifically ADHD guests. It's it's two extremes. Some people, they want to be an hour early to everything and other people are late. There's no like on time or five minutes before it's just one extreme or the other.
00:51:20:22 - 00:51:23:10
Ben Branson
Of course it is. It's ADHD, it's extremes.
00:51:23:10 - 00:51:40:14
Amy Spalding
I wish I was the other one, I really don't, but everyone around me in my life wishes I was the other one as well. No, I will be late and that's something you can guarantee. Also, just one thing that I loved about being that, one thing I think was like why I had such a comedown when I came out was just being told what to do all the time.
00:51:40:14 - 00:51:51:03
Amy Spalding
I didn't have to make a single decision for myself, apart from obviously relating to relationships, but that was just kind of my feeling. But like, if we go over here, they need to do in the tram and we go over here, it's lunchtime and we go over.
00:51:51:03 - 00:51:52:19
Ben Branson
Here because they cook two meals.
00:51:52:20 - 00:51:55:23
Amy Spalding
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they cook two meals. And we had both. We did breakfast for ourselves.
00:51:55:23 - 00:51:57:16
Ben Branson
But did your washing.
00:51:57:18 - 00:52:03:10
Amy Spalding
Did I washing, cleaning. Yeah. Did I clean Agnes. Clean is it was amazing. It was amazing.
00:52:03:12 - 00:52:04:17
Ben Branson
And the cameras.
00:52:04:19 - 00:52:26:12
Amy Spalding
Yeah. The cameras, like it was most of the time, was just like you had the, like, remote ones, which would turn randomly if, you know, you knew you, you're having a good conversation and all of a sudden it was like. But then when we were filming like big scenes like the kiss off or like Danny was coming in, we knew Danny was going to come in because all of a sudden there's like boom operators, big lights, like holding the reflectors and like loads of different cameras.
00:52:26:12 - 00:52:36:09
Amy Spalding
We were like, okay, something's happening. This is when you go or like Danny's coming in. But that's why they would kind of coincide. Then you go with when Danny was or did us, we wouldn't get suspicious. But yeah.
00:52:36:15 - 00:52:39:15
Ben Branson
Fascinating. Like, no, the behind the scenes honestly.
00:52:39:18 - 00:52:54:24
Amy Spalding
I literally was like so fascinated. I was like, look at the producers. And I was like, you actually have the best job in the world. Like, I was so jealous of them flying out to Italy, just chilling with us. And like I thought was so fascinating. And that was like another big thing was like the behind the scenes process of like meeting all the producers and like how it all works.
00:52:55:00 - 00:53:02:02
Amy Spalding
I never really knew anything about TV and like, now my housemate she watching TV and like she talks about stuff and I like completely understand that because.
00:53:02:04 - 00:53:02:15
Ben Branson
Do you like.
00:53:02:15 - 00:53:12:11
Amy Spalding
Living outside work? I do, I really do. I think that comes from my inquisitive brain, you know, reflects back to me and being in biology and asking Mr. Booth a million questions. Yeah.
00:53:12:13 - 00:53:23:04
Ben Branson
Can can I start making sea like myself? Yeah. My kitchen. Yeah. Yeah, that was important. It's important for me to understand how something works by doing it.
00:53:23:04 - 00:53:41:13
Amy Spalding
Yeah. And that's why my jewelry exactly the same thing. I was like, I had a ring, the spoon ring, and I was like, I was gonna buy it. I lost it over, say, like, I lose everything. And then was like, why am I buying this? I can literally make it cost me way more than I ever wanted for me to buy ten of them.
00:53:41:13 - 00:53:47:02
Amy Spalding
But you know what got me to where I am now? Have a full Jerry Jerry business.
00:53:47:03 - 00:53:53:07
Ben Branson
I go briefly. What are the best bits about your ADHD?
00:53:53:10 - 00:54:23:24
Amy Spalding
My ADHD is my superpower. I wouldn't be me without my ADHD. It makes my jokes funnier. It gives me that kind of like comical, clownish, you know, physicality. It gives me that person ability. It gives me that social ness that makes me thrive in situations where I need to kind of draw from my never ending battery like it is a superpower.
00:54:23:24 - 00:54:25:08
Amy Spalding
But it's also my example.
00:54:25:10 - 00:54:26:05
Ben Branson
Like.
00:54:26:07 - 00:54:44:16
Amy Spalding
I hate my ADHD. Like I hate it, I hate how I get stuck in a thing of where like I need to do something and I just physically can't do it like I it's so frustrating. It makes me want to cry. Like, all I need to do is get out of bed and do this thing. But it's like, nope, I'm stuck on my phone, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.
00:54:44:18 - 00:54:53:23
Amy Spalding
And it's like, unless I pair a task up with something that's going to give me dopamine and feed my brain, that way I'm not going to get it done unless.
00:54:54:00 - 00:54:54:22
Ben Branson
It's.
00:54:54:24 - 00:54:59:05
Amy Spalding
At the very deadline. I'm going to get in trouble for it.
00:54:59:07 - 00:55:02:01
Ben Branson
And so what? What tips have you.
00:55:02:01 - 00:55:18:13
Amy Spalding
Got getting up in the morning and having a coffee? I have a subscription, so, like, I can go get my free coffee if I get out of bed, and that's what will get me out of bed or go to the gym, and you can walk on the treadmill and you can walk on an incline on be on your phone.
00:55:18:15 - 00:55:33:21
Amy Spalding
I know it's terrible because it's like, can I not just like do that? But it's like, okay, fine, like I will. Yay! I get to look at my messages. Yeah, I get to look at like TikTok because I'm doing something. It's very much that. And that's how I've like figure out how to manage it rewards, rewards, it's rewards.
00:55:33:21 - 00:55:57:23
Amy Spalding
But also to do lists. Changed my life. But then like the top of my to do list is right to do list, which itself can be difficult. But as soon as I do, it's like mapped out for me and I just have to start checking things off the most my new tasks as well, because you get that dopamine hit from checking off brush teeth, you know, right to do list, all of that.
00:55:57:23 - 00:55:59:10
Ben Branson
So I find to.
00:55:59:10 - 00:56:20:12
Amy Spalding
Do find to do list. Yeah, I literally find keys. Oh my God, my stuff. Do I lose stuff? I let my mum literally like I can't like, honestly, I've spent the amount of money I spent on lip liners because I'm constantly raising them. The amount of money I've spent on keys because I'm closely using them. My housemates are gonna kill me any second because I'm constantly like, hey, can I borrow your keys?
00:56:20:14 - 00:56:20:23
Ben Branson
Or by.
00:56:20:23 - 00:56:22:01
Amy Spalding
Using my first.
00:56:22:01 - 00:56:22:14
Ben Branson
FaceTime?
00:56:22:16 - 00:56:28:09
Amy Spalding
Yeah, I've had my phone stolen twice, but that's stolen. But it's always in my hand.
00:56:28:11 - 00:56:29:05
Ben Branson
Harder to lose.
00:56:29:05 - 00:56:33:00
Amy Spalding
Yeah, it's harder to live, it's harder to lose touch everything to my phone. Really. And then I wouldn't lose it.
00:56:33:04 - 00:56:36:01
Ben Branson
Yeah, exactly. You did you end up with. Yeah. Yeah yeah.
00:56:36:01 - 00:56:36:13
Amy Spalding
Yeah.
00:56:36:15 - 00:56:42:01
Ben Branson
Like we all see to bring something that represents your brain. Yes. What did you bring?
00:56:42:01 - 00:57:04:00
Amy Spalding
I was cheeky and I brought two items. One, because my ring is always on my finger and two, I bought this little guy. So he's actually one of the props I stole from the mass area. If you watch it, there's like these weird, like Cupid, Greek statue vibes all around the monster. Yeah. And there was like a line of rainbow ones when I went for the sky blue.
00:57:04:02 - 00:57:28:03
Amy Spalding
He's broken like the base. And he's going back on so much better. Much less. Both of them represent me in the same way in terms of the both a representation of my queerness to show like my creativity in the way that my ADHD comes out as creative, like creative, or so like with the show, how my ADHD really became my superpower and like, made me shine.
00:57:28:05 - 00:57:41:10
Amy Spalding
And you know, I could really like I just remember that I like, need to lean into it and not shy away from the intersectionality of my queerness. And my ADHD is the best thing about me.
00:57:41:15 - 00:57:56:04
Ben Branson
Your neuro queerness. Yeah, and it sounds like the show is giving you this permission or this opportunity, as you say. Like, lean into it, embrace it. Yeah. And now celebrate.
00:57:56:04 - 00:58:08:04
Amy Spalding
It. Exactly is exactly that. And I'm here. I'm queer and I'm neurodivergent, I have ADHD and that's oh, not only okay, but something I should be proud and loud about.
00:58:08:06 - 00:58:08:22
Ben Branson
We leave it there.
00:58:08:22 - 00:58:19:01
Amy Spalding
Yeah. Thank you. Now, thank you so much. This is, you know, as I've been doing a lot of podcasts, it's it's nice to talk about something that's so a part of me as my ADHD is so.
00:58:19:02 - 00:58:29:22
Ben Branson
Okay. That's nice to hear. Thank you.
00:58:29:24 - 00:58:56:19
Ben Branson
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Ben Branson
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